February 2012
28 posts
Give him The Moviegoer on your first anniversary
So I started going to movies again. Sounds stupid, I know, but I hadn’t been to a single movie in over a year, and one day I realized, Wait, this thing I used to do often and liked doing — I can continue doing this.
It’s nice, going to a movie alone. You get a drink beforehand. You drink too quickly and leave the bar nervous, worried the movie will sell out. You wait in the...
What do you think, Bard or Vassar?*
Man seeks woman. Westchester, then liberal arts upstate, now Brooklyn—I am sure you know my type. Twenty-two, tidy, and employed. Allergic to tequila and public displays of affection. Enthusiastic about pickles, cigarettes, and Philip Bourgeois. Looking either for exactly the same thing, or something completely different, I guess. Emotionally stunted but really tall. If you’re wearing...
YOU NEED NOT BE PRETENTIOUS (but know he can...
24-year-old male awash in middling meet-ups. All I really want is my very own meet-cute. Gregarious enough to encounter many a beautiful gal, but very few who can hold up a charismatic conversation. I don’t particularly care for the vulgarities of what you do or where you came from. I’d like to know where you’re going. Be a good talker and a decent writer with a passion for the...
artist of many mediums, interests
PETITE EURASIAN ARTIST in the Village working in independent film, musical recordings, photography, etc.; busy music teacher, easygoing foodie, loves the I Ching, my Steinway piano, movies in theaters, travel, dancing, fashion, seeks attractive, established guy who has secure or lucrative finances, a wild streak, feet on terra firma, loves his profession, to share great times, friendship, maybe...
He doesn't like "most" television.
I like traveling far by foot, cheese, Rushdie, Hitchens, The Death of Ivan Illyich, broccoli, lofts, women, convictions, Beethoven, curiosity, cheap eats, per se, longform, etc… I don’t like ambivalence, Sarte, olives, jeans, quinoa, Faulkner, abstract expressionism, coffee, watches, most television, novels that are too long, obstinance, etc. Male. 26. Brooklyn. Run a non-profit....
WRITER SEEKS WRITER TO WATCH OTHER WRITERS
Old, broke, married. Male writer seeks female writer to go to readings with. Not totally old, broke, or married. Respondents need not have been at Woodstock, but shouldn’t have missed it by more than a decade or two, should have a feel for an ad that may sound like a joke, but underneath …
WELL, GOOGLE STALKING IS ON THE TABLE
I’m your unfinished novel. We’re both attractive and successful. We’re young and wise and old and irreverent. My book is open at FastOrbit.com.
Ha! "British police procedurals" surely must be a...
Sweet, playful elitist with a lot of neuroses and poor comic timing seeks a fourth for Settlers, a companion for artsy movies/day trips, and a co-slob with whom to get crumbs everywhere while watching internet TV. A love of William Trevor, Alice Munro, or British police procedurals would be a plus, while a big heart and willingness to tolerate my overwhelmingly almond-scented body products are...
THE COLLEGE SENIOR WITH A THING FOR DR. SEUSS. Hm.
Hey, hello there! Read on if you choose. Mame Dennis, Leslie Knope and Golightly lady all in one, Up for brunch, drinks and about to be a college alum.
I have curls on my head. I have sparkly socks in my shoes. Always on an adventure or at the movies, you’ve got nothing to lose. If you’re on your own and you know what you know, then put on a smile and we’ll decide where to...
"I got a B+ on my senior thesis." Hm.
Boy looking for girl with glasses, or girl who acts like she would wear glasses. Former Paris Review intern. Last book I read was Lolita, last book I liked was A Sport and a Pastime. I got a B+ on my senior thesis that I wrote about Mad Men. I played sports in college. East Village, holla at cha boi.
DOESN'T EVERYONE JUST ASSOCIATE PENNSYLVANIA WITH...
Currently living in central Pennsylvania and caught in a place that is by parts corporate desert, idealistic mirage and windows down, music up oasis. Overly fond of Kafka references, prone to tilting at windmills, and tired of feeling out of place for preferring anthropology jokes and books over endless vapid breakroom conversations. Tall and athletic, with a distaste for makeup and...
"Yonder is a well made young fellow and of the...
A lover of Lacan, Kundera, Sade, and Corso. A thing, male, in Boston. Age 21, heightened well, in a way. Unfortunately, a confused pile of smiles. Will provide a good laugh. Will provide an adequate or amazing or terrible conversation (depending on your part in it). Will insert geeky anecdotes. No worries. Wanderlust incarnate, looking for someone who shares that. Looking for someone old or young....
I MEAN WHO ACTUALLY WANTS TO DATE A REPUBLICAN...
Me: petite, shy, Sicilian, female, tomboy, mid 20’s, queer Interested in: reference librarians, unpretentious poets, large green slices of cake, shy chatterboxes, high energy activities, the look of film photography, A Moveable Feast, Orlando, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Russian fiction Dislikes: late December through March, tights, condescension
You: female and/or queer; similar or...
UNFORTUNATE NOUVEAU YELLOW WALLPAPER REFERENCE...
Fish and arugula for breakfast. More interested in material and corporeal than intellectual. Well-adjusted, pro-fun. Positively blasé, vertically challenged, curvy female looking to spend winter months in bleached walls and beds.
You are ambitious, intelligent, tasteful, pro-fun. 25-35
We’re looking for n+personals testimonials! Email me if you have a success story!
IF SHE'S ANYTHING LIKE A YOUNG NEDRA, YOU'RE IN...
Middle Eastern female graduate student adrift in the Midwest. 30. I like Barthes, bourbon, bubble baths, and breakfast. I have been told that I excel at all things cozy. What I am looking for: Nedra and Viri’s early-middle years in Salter’s Light Years; the first side of Astral Weeks; a road trip partner; a gentleman brute.
THE LAWYERS' DAUGHTER WITH A SWEET TOOTH FOR...
23-year-old cake decorator, successful yet disappointing daughter to lawyer parents. Klutz who reads Sanskrit, wears mismatching socks for luck and thinks that Ursula le Guin is trying too hard to be one of the boys. Looking for a guy who listens to the Drive soundtrack while playing Mario Kart.
Fan mail, sort of. (And we were always this...
Your latest personal is obviously bubblebathos’s parody of a nplusonemag personal. Or are you getting smarter and parodying her? She’s my number one Internet crush. An E.M. Cioran for 2012.
THE PRETTY GIRL WHO READS TASTEFUL, SAD BOOKS
She could say the Lord’s Prayer quickly but not slowly. Smart weird serious gentle seeks similar; [quote from Murphy] [quote from The Moviegoer]. Small and pretty in Brooklyn. Oh and young, and how.
n+1 INTERNAL DEBATE: SHOULD WE LET PEOPLE RESPOND...
I kind of think that it’s okay to respond to more than one person. People want to spread their risk. And in the movies (“In Search of a Midnight Kiss”), they date more than one person because they are in thrall to the one true demon of the 21st century: choice.
Should we be catholic about this and indulge human weakness or is protestantism the answer, calling on everyone to stop...
I GUESS PEOPLE OUTSIDE MIDDLE AMERICA ARE STILL...
I’m a walking, talking collection of internal contradictions - loquacious but soft spoken, hard-boiled and soft-voiced, glibly cynical and earnestly romantic at the same time. I read everything from Dan Savage to Tom Friedman and most things in between. My politics are lefty, my attitude is a bit anti-authoritarian and I’m hoping to find a slightly cynical, sharp-tongued woman with...
JUST BITTORRENT THE PRUITT-IGOE MYTH BEFORE YOUR...
New York based graduate student seeks late 20s, early 30s male mired in something esoteric and above my head (which shouldn’t be hard, I’m 5’2” and refuse to wear heels). I like tenements (as a historical concept), Houellebecq, and Corgis. Single-malt Scotch, kitchen-sink dramas, and Russian magical realism also pluses, as are men who won’t tease me for living on the...
BECAUSE ABBA IS NOT ENOUGH TO FILL THE HOLE IN HER...
My New Year’s wish: to have my soul flow with an exuberant male spirit who yearns for a pretty, compassionate, creative, older (65) woman. Maine resident with a parachute poised to land almost anywhere. [from the new york review of books]
THE 21 YEAR OLD INTERESTED IN CULTURAL EDIFICATION...
Twenty-one year old, Ivy-League-educated male Russian violinist. Thick, curly hair with some scruff. Will whisper Russian or French to you when you’re least expecting. Can be found wearing dark-brown corduroys, Brooks Brothers shirts and sleek, leather belts with loafers. Enjoys Brahms, Mendelssohn, Prokofieff, and other music you should be listening to but don’t. Contemplates the good...
I guess you could call this the n+personals... →
A little backstory, to this particular brand of post-date-spite-induced-ramblings-that-willingly-go-viral: Kelly Murphy, after posting an ad on n+personals, went on a rather unfortunate date with this young man, and then wrote about it for Brokelyn. After the article’s publication, we, being nothing if not magnanimous, reached out to the poor soul, wondering if he wanted to pen a response...
SEEMS TO BE BURNING THE CANDLE AT BOTH ENDS, SINCE...
Me: Late 20s male. Seeking companion. Living north of London: like all aspiring writers, would prefer Paris but have neither money nor mettle for relocation. Instead, I’ve sought the job security of teaching literature at secondary school. Less like Heathcliff, more Sancho Panza (sans girth).
You: Female. Roughly same age. Happen to be in Europe. Willing to chat to man of no magnitude.
VAGUELY MELANCHOLIC, WRITES POETRY
PhD candidate who writes poetry instead of her dissertation. Pink hair, piercings, and tasteful tattoos (Have you ever seen a tattoo of an audubon watercolor? That’s me). Writes on Keats and Shelley but reads german critical theory and poetry (Bachman and Celan). Vaguely melancholic, but easily amused by coffee and a nyrb. A new wave snob, but willing to be wrong.
Just looking for my Louis...