THE BACHELOR WHO CAN’T HELP BUT LISTEN TO STEVIE WANTS TO HANG OUT IN BED WITH YOU, THE BEARDED MAN

Me: post-grad, tall, slender, breakfast aficionado, bespectacled Michigan-Virginia-NYC transplant with a penchant for spending Sunday afternoons tucked inside sweaters, or talking to a Stevie Nicks record over a concoction of cardamom pods; revels in voracious daydreams, opaque paint, and Oxford commas.

You: handsome and bright (scruff encouraged) with an appreciation for whiskey, kitschy witchcraft, poached eggs, and the unfathomable merits of “bed” (as both notion and lexical item).