The Call of Cthulu:

My soul has grown extra limbs. The process started with (what I assumed were) gas pains. When I saw the doctor, he suspected cancer, tumors. Scans revealed nothing. Soon the pain got worse, and out of my eyes and ears and nostrils and mouth and anus came long arms with teeth.

Invisible to the naked eye, the arms swing all about me swatting at people nearby. The worst part? These eight ethereal limbs steal things at the grocery store and bodega without my knowing. When I get home at the end of the day, my body is full of candies and pens that I have unwittingly absconded with. The arms belong to my soul and it is up to something; I can feel it swimming around inside me, and I just know it’s building a nest out of my organs. What will hatch in there?

Your heart.

So, who wants to get close enough to let my octo-soul steal their love like a handful of Swedish Fish? Are you afraid of what will come out? Don’t worry – it’s all safe. My soul has moved my lungs and my spleen and my appendix to a place just behind my intestines in order to make room for you, and it’s molding it all into a hovel that I know, eventually, I will have to enter as well. Will you pry open my bellybutton so that we both can crawl in there and finally meet each other?